Struggling

Every time I think I have things ironed out and on track to start working, something derails it all. One step foreward two steps back. Whatever old saying you want to use, it is applying to me right now. I get a roommate, a DC dad loses his job and I lose half my DC income. I Get another roommate and advertise for more DC kids, and one of my DC moms starts struggling financially and can't pay me. I get my DC positions filled and a roommate finds free lodging with a friend. Bills are due, mortgage is due, kids want to play sports. House keeps breaking in different ways. Ex's lawyer calls and says he has been in touch with child support people and my ex doesn't have to pay what he said he would at first, which was a small amount anyway and the divorce is being pushed back again. Brynn has been fretting over a mole that has changed in size and shape and she was told was indicative of cancer. Waiting on news from that is frustrating for her and I both. I want to scream and pull my hair out! Or just climb in bed and cry. I want shed of my ex. Too long has he destroyed my emotions in some way. Three years is too long to wait for a divorce!

The flip side to this coin and my horribly bad luck I have been having.. I have been seeing a great guy. He is the reason I can still smile and poke my head out of the blankets each morning. He can make me grin no matter how bad my day is going with just a few words. It's been a long time since I have been around a truly good guy...almost dont know how to act! Every nice gesture or kind act is met with cynical skepticism from me, wondering what his angle is, what he must want in return. He is patient with me despite that, not sure why! Just hope he remains patient while I re-learn what it's like to function in a healthy relationship.