pretty low

i feel about as sad today as i have ever felt in my life. it probably doesn't help that i am dead tired and also sick, but i feel completely despondant as well. It's not that my birthday is tomorrow and i am getting old (and still haven't completed a single goal I set for myself) it is more because of other things. I am going through a divorce, filling out stacks of heavily worded paperwork. my kids have said some pretty sad things to me about it. both of them want me to find someone who will treat me and them better, and mostly, someone who will just be here. my daughter asked that i find someone who won't mind hugging her sometimes, and who won't yell at her when he tries to help her with homework. my son wants someone who will play with him and laugh alot. it made me incredibly sad the simple things they wanted from a father figure. It also makes me a little sad leaving behind someone who has been a part of my life for 11 years. things weren't great for us, but we did have our moments. i know why i am divorcing him, and he does too, he even agrees with me that he should have changed, made an attempt. but i still have a deep sense of loss and i feel bad that my kids want so little and couldn't get it...